Freedom, Loneliness or Something Else?

 

This came across my feed while I was trying to rest after lunch prep.

It got me thinking.

... and I'm still thinking.

THE BED

It is hard to sleep and wake up beside his empty side of the bed. For more than a month, I kept sleeping on my side of the bed. It's an old spring mattress that needs turning over occasionally when it gets uncomfortable. 

I woke up one day realizing I might have the entire 60x80 inches of space to myself in the days, months, and years to come. 

We each have a very comfortable goose down and several regular pillows (including a little hug pillow that I cannot sleep without). I turned the bed over, changed the sheets, and rearranged the pillows. 

I remember tricking him into giving me his and I have both goose downs now. I placed them in the middle and the rest on the side. Is that freedom?

But I still need to use my lavender balm each night so I can have uninterrupted sleep. Is that loneliness?

THE WEEKLY MENU

We used to have a system for meal planning. I would ask them to suggest dishes I would cook for the coming week, I would list the ingredients, and he would take care of buying from the grocery. It worked for us. However, when he started not eating both lunch and dinner here on weekdays (and even on weekends), it's been a struggle. 

It's just one of those household dynamics we have that he disengaged with little by little. Collaboration has become very difficult and I found myself frustrated each week trying to keep this little system. 

With him gone, I find it easier to plan. I do everything from planning to buying to cooking. I can freely change course. Freedom?

But meals with just me and my daughter, definitely loneliness.

It's a roller coaster ride. 

There are good days. There are bad days.

I know it's still a long ordeal but I cling to God.

I am keeping the faith.

His Will Be Done.